ADHD: My Midlife Plot Twist

My 7-year-old son was formally diagnosed with ADHD last year and, in that very moment on the phone with the child psychologist, I realized how terribly ignorant I was on the topic. Until then, I had only heard the term ADHD used as a self-deprecating descriptor for distracted behavior (“omg i’m like so adhd smh”) or quietly slipped into parental commentary about the coked-up chipmunk-like behavior of other peoples’ kids (“Did you see how little Timmy was acting? They really need to get him tested for ADHD.”).

Mirror, mirror

Propelled by my dadborne desire to help my son, I plunged into the rabbit hole, gobbling gobs of articles, blogs, videos, and books on the topic. Something entirely unexpected happened while smiting my ignorance: I saw myself reflected in the material I consumed.

The opening chapter of ADHD 2.0 was one such mirror. Here's an excerpt:

“…but in less clinical terms, it helps to think of ADHD as a complex set of contradictory or paradoxical tendencies: a lack of focus combined with an ability to superfocus; a lack of direction combined with highly directed entrepreneurialism; a tendency to procrastinate combined with a knack for getting a week’s worth of work done in two hours; impulsive, wrongheaded decision making combined with inventive, out-of-the-blue problem solving; interpersonal cluelessness combined with uncanny intuition and empathy…”¹

It was like my wiring schematic was rolled out on the table in front of me. How I think, process, juggle, create, and relate; the intensity of my thought life and adrenalized existence; anxiety and perfectionism; my hyper-focus and serial specialization; the paradoxical behaviors that I’d always had such difficulty rationalizing. All of my innermost traits and characteristics that I’ve spent a lifetime harnessing, corralling, and correcting, had a name: Attention Deficit/Hyperactive Disorder. Mind blown. Ka-boom.

My 0th birthday

During my research, chapter 1, page 1, paragraph 1 of my life story also came into focus. I learned that the conditions at the time of my birth significantly increased the likelihood of developing ADHD:

“Specifically, exposure to birth asphyxia was associated with a 26 percent greater risk of developing ADHD, exposure to neonatal respiratory distress syndrome was associated with a 47 percent greater risk, and exposure to preeclampsia (high blood pressure during pregnancy) was associated with a 34 percent greater risk.”²

Prior to check out from my uterine hotel, my mom was hospitalized for severe preeclampsia with insanely high blood pressure. On what became my birthday, I was in distress and ultimately delivered via emergency c-section. (Sorry, mom.)

Signs point to yes

I don’t own a Magic 8 Ball, but if I did, all signs to my ADHD question would have pointed to yes. With all of this supporting data, I decided to proceed with testing to get a definitive answer.

The current diagnosis process involves psychological screening and evaluation against behavioral criteria found in the DSM-5. Over the span of two months, I worked through multiple rounds of testing at a medical practice specializing in such things. The tests were weird, interesting, and challenging. I went into the testing without knowing what to expect and, since you’re reading this post, I’ll spare you the spoilers should you be considering the same path.

Scoffer no scoffing

In plumbing the depths of the Interwebs, I encountered a lot of negative sentiment about ADHD being a modern day medical hoax. Some claimed that the disorder is nothing more than a squishy catch-all diagnosis by doctors eager to push pharmaceuticals. Others pointed to bad parenting, lack of discipline, laziness, and a variety of personal and social defects to explain ADHD symptoms. The diagnostic methodology is also the target of much scoffing, due to the inherent subjectivity of psychological screening.

Recent discoveries by smart people in lab coats should squash much of this talk-track. As it turns out, the ADHD brain is structurally distinct and can be accurately identified using magnetic resonance imaging. The prefrontal cortex, cerebellum, hippocampus, and amygdala are smaller in volume, and there are differences with signaling and neurotransmitters. Because of these measurable physiological differences, biomarkers may be used for diagnosis in the future. Science, FTW!

Whoomp (there it is)

Several weeks after completing the testing, I received a lengthy report that concluded with a diagnosis of Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder Combined Presentation. Suspicions confirmed. Mystery solved. Innards explained.

Final thoughts

If you met me in real life, you probably wouldn’t walk away from our conversation thinking “Wow, that dude needs meds.” On the surface, I don’t fit the mold of common ADHD stereotypes. Over the past few decades, I’ve developed professional and interpersonal survival skills to compensate for my wiring. What I can’t correct, I mask.

Aye, there’s the rub with all things mental health. If I didn’t tell you that my innards were a raging dumpster fire, you probably wouldn’t know. You would only see the flame if I chose to lift the lid. If you really paid attention, you may feel the heat radiating, or catch an occasional whiff of escaping garbage smoke. Yummy.

This was a big driver behind my decision to share my diagnosis. I think it’s important that we have real discussions with real people about the real challenges we face. The past few months of opening up to friends and family about my ADHD discovery has been very beneficial to me and to others. It has sparked conversations and, to some extent, reframed how I approach my life.

As G.I. Joe taught a generation of kids: “Knowing is half the battle.” I now have a gigantic data point that I can use to better understand and optimize my day-to-day existence. If nothing else, knowledge of my divergent wiring has allowed me to recognize patterns of thought and behavior, and give myself a modicum of grace when the dumpster fire rages.

Finally, I’m astonished that I lived so long on this planet with precisely zero clue that ADHD could be a factor. If nothing else, this points to a need for better education and awareness — not just for ADHD, but for mental health disorders and issues overall.

All of that said, me and my little baby amygdala bid you adieu.

¹ Hallowell, Edward M., MD, and John J. Ratey, MD. ADHD 2.0: New Science and Essential Strategies for Thriving with Distraction — from Childhood through Adulthood. New York: Ballantine Books, 2021.

² Nigg, Joel, PhD. “Prenatal and Early Life Risk Factors of ADHD: What Research Says — and What Parents Can Do.” ADDitude, December 13, 2023. https://www.additudemag.com/what-causes-adhd-prenatal-perinatal-risk-factors/.